The Most Shaggable Teacher in Hogwarts
by Lost in the Forest
Summary: "Out of all the teachers in Hogwarts, who is the most shaggable?" Blaise, Pansy, and Millicent gather around for some truth-or-dare mischief


I wrote this between 2:00 (ish)-3:42 a.m, and I had waaaay too much fun doing it ^__^ I dedicate this to Professor Snape and Alan Rickman. You are both sexy, sexy men. ^.-  
  
Typical Disclaimer: I don't own Snape (goddess, I wish I did ^_^) I don't own Slytherin. I don't own Hogwarts. I don't even own Ogden's Old Firewhiskey (if I did, I'd be passed out in my bathroom right now, I'm sure. ^.-). To lay it down, straight out- I don't own the characters, items, or places of the Harry Potter universe. Everything Harry Potter and then some belongs to JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, Bloomsbury Publishing Plc and Scholastic Books. I am also making no money from this story (*sigh*)  
  
I did (!!!) however write this story. It remains mine. ^_^ Thank you, and enjoy!  
  
  
  
The Most Shaggable Professor in Hogwarts  
  
  
  
Snape could feel his ears burning. He knew it was an old wives' tale, but he couldn't help but check up on it. He gathered up his midnight-colored robes and flew down the fall towards the Slytherin rooms, where, no doubt, there was mischief happening.  
  
  
  
"All right, this question is for all of you. Out of all the teachers in Hogwarts, who is the most shaggable?"  
  
"Oh, easy. Snape!"  
  
"Snape?" Pansy asked in amazement. The rest of the girls chimed in agreements. The nameless Slytherin stared at her surrounding companions. The girls, all in pajamas, were gathered together in a circle playing some wicked Slytherin version of truth or dare that involved far more alcohol and nudity than was necessary.  
  
"Oh, yeah," said Blaise Zabini, who was wearing a silk tank top and boxer set that she insists is straight from China. The symbols decorating the set ranged from vaguely Oriental to seemingly Arabic to some demonic language straight from the Necronomicon. "He's so forceful and powerful. His presence is commanding and. over-powering."  
  
"He makes me want to do something bad," says Millicent Bulstrode. Dressed in a terribly uncomfortable pants and shirt combo that she insisted on wearing because 'it shows off her fabulous figure,' though whether she was talking about her physique or the sum of allowance she gets from her father, I can't say. "You know, just to hear that deep, sexy voice say 'Ten points from Slytherin, and a detention with me after school in my chambers. Wear something slutty.'" She released a cat-like growl meant to be sexy, but was far more disturbing.  
  
"But he never smiles," says Pansy Parkinson, who was topless due to low alcohol tolerance and terribly bad luck at 'I Never.' The only clothing she did still sport was a pair of green boxers with little silver dragon patterns. She had triumphantly flaunted the boxers-formally-known-as- Draco's earlier, but her joy had been deflated with Blaise's standard eye- roll and comment 'Yeah, like those are hard to get.' "Thought, I have a feeling that if he did, it'd be rather like trying to get a hyena to cancan."  
  
"Hard and extremely disturbing?" ventured Millicent.  
  
"No, something we're liable to try."  
  
"Well, you're the topless one." Blaise pointed out.  
  
"Somehow Snape doesn't seem like the type of guy to go for girls like you," Millicent pondered, taking a swing of Ogden's Old Firewhisky, after which she choked, then gagged, then sorely regretted being able to pass for 21.  
  
"What, young, topless, and slightly tipsy?" Blaise gave Millicent an amusingly shocked look as she jerked the whisky away from her.  
  
"Are you saying you think he's gay?" She accused.  
  
"No," Millicent asserted "Although. you never do see him with any ladies."  
  
"You never see Snape with anyone." Blaise reasoned.  
  
"Yeah, but he doesn't really strike me as a man's man." Pansy mused. "Thought if he was, he would definitely be on top." The three sat back and tasted this delicious thought.  
  
"What I like most about Snape, though," Millicent started.  
  
"Besides his sexy body and conquering stare?"  
  
"Yeah. It's his complete and total ruthlessness and evility."  
  
"It's evilocity," corrected Pansy, "and yeah, he makes me all a-tingle to see him crush some little Hufflepuff scum."  
  
"Oh, or watch him take point after point away from those snobby Gryffindors."  
  
"Or when a Slytherin does something totally outrageous and gets almost no point taken or anything. Mmmm. he gets that drunk-with-power look in those endless black eyes."  
  
"And he whirls around sending layers of black cloaks flying." The three giggled and sighed in lusty drunken enjoyment.  
  
Just then Severus Snape, the most shaggable professor in Hogwarts himself slammed the door open in a cloud of anger, like a black god of doom come to announce the Apocalypse. The girls watched in frozen amazement as he whisked the bottle of Firewhiskey out of Pansy's hands and threw her a near- by blanket to cover her chest with.  
  
"Underage drinking. Nudity. Up past curfew. If I were you, ladies, I would realize that you are at Hogwarts, not some cheap brothel without rules." Black-as-midnight eyes flared with anger and domination. "I will not stand by and let you disgrace my house. Twenty points from Slytherin and I want to see all three of you bright and early in my office for detention." He left in a whirl of dark robes, hitting the lights as he left.  
  
The girls sat in quiet darkness.  
  
"If we were Gryffindors, he'd have marked off 50 points."  
  
"I know."  
  
Three drunken jovial giggles continued in the dark.  
  
  
  
Thanks for reading. I know you want to review it, right? Awe, come on! Don't make me become a comment whore! I look awful in fishnets! *pout* ^__^ 


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